Entry for March 11, 2008

I do not know whether or not to scream out or cry in frustation. I swear I feel like I cannot take one more thing or I am just going to break.  Do I really seem like I have it so together that people just think no matter how much shit gets piled on my head I am going to be just fine. WRONG!!!  It’s fucking laughable. Me the chick that chose not to settle down, get married, pop out some puppies… WHY? because I didn’t want all the responsibilities that came with it. I have more responsibilities than I ever dreamed of or had nightmares about. It’s so easy for people to say it’s not your problem, you just have to think of yourself. Its soooo not that easy. Do you stand by and watch people you love truly fuck up their life, get seriously and irrevocably hurt, not take care of themselves medically… I mean what person with any sense of decency or of family can do that????

My life is just never my own. Always someone depending on me for something. To give something. Never free to be happy, not free to be sad. Not free to say the hell with it and royally screwing up my own life. I am so tired and I’ve really begun asking myself do the people around me just not see that I just can’t deal with it anymore. Who the hell picks up my pieces?? No one , just me. Always just me. And it’s never going to stop.

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