Entry for December 10, 2006

My oh my will wonders never cease. I, the queen of internet shopping, actually ventured out to two retail locations today in daylight…I’m traumatized

I did however get some nice Christmas cards for work, a stocking for Tux, the box I needed for Ryan’s gift and some extra wrapping paper and bows.

Oh and it really is a miracle day I finally managed to get my car washed AND armor all the interior.

It’s scary when I think of how much I still have to get done for the holiday. Tree needs to go up but for that to happen the ellipitical machine must be somewhat broken down and moved to the spare bedroom. I have 4 gifts  left to buy, a menu to create for Christmas day, gifts to wrap for the giving tree at church (no I don’t attend), and I am more than sure I am forgetting tons of things. It always works out in the end though.

Wow two posts in as many days must be the planetary alignment thing

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Entry for December 8, 2006

I never know what to write here, I always have a twenty different threads of thought running through my head at any one time. Probably drive people crazy when I am speaking with them how I can jump from one thing to another and back.

I find myself thinking about how you ultimately deal with wanting to be with someone who more than likely doesn’t want to be with you and has no idea you want to be with them. Nice confusing sentence..pretty fitting though. Top that whole scenario off with letting it go on for years and years , you know just to really screw things up.

I met this guy quite a few years ago and I immediately knew I was in trouble. Gut instinct told me to run, but how do you resist taking the chance that it just might turn out to be the very thing you’ve always been looking for. I know you should always listen to your first instinct but whose to say it just isn’t fear.  Take no chances get no reward right?

Obviously I took the chance. Sighhhh. I really thought he was out of my head. I heard from him out of the blue and now it’s like enough already you can’t have him!! Heart isn’t listening. If I was like most people I would go and fix this with some pill. Ever want to slap yourself really really hard? I know without a doubt that I can not be with this man and yet I can’t stop thinking about him or wanting to see him. It is really and truly enough to drive a person insane.

I do not act on any of the impulses I have to see him or speak to him. I happen to be very respectful of people’s boundaries and although I do not think he’d be a total ass were I to tell him how I feel I also don’t think it would have any purpose.

He has a girlfriend now and in 35 years I had never crossed that line and believe me I am not to proud of myself that I can no longer say that. I can’t even say I gave it no thought because I did and I chose to do it anyway. I keep thinking this is my bad karma moment. Because of crossing that line I will now pay by being consumed with thoughts of him. Serves me right.

Well it’s Friday night so this is sign-off for me. Going to go jump in the shower and try to get my head straight although it’s not likely to happen in a matter of seconds.

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Entry for December 4, 2006

Today, in the local newspaper…was printed…
THE BONDAGE GLOSSARY!!

This is now officially logged on the server at my job as part of the site content user Kerri viewed today  Y’all know this sooo got flagged!  LOL! I cannot wait until my boss asks me about this…hehehe the glee!!! He already thinks I’m a freak this is perfect!!

BDSM: Bondage, discipline or dominance, sadism or submissiveness, masochism.

Dom: A man who takes control in a BDSM situation.

Domme: A woman who takes control in a BDSM situation.

Fetish: Specific obsession or delight in one object or experience.

Gorean: BDSM genre based on the world of Gor in erotic novels by John Norman.

Masochist: Person who receives pleasure, usually sexual pleasure, from pain.

Sadist: Person who receives pleasure from inflicting pain.

Submissive: “Sub” for short. Person who gives up control in a BDSM situation.

Switch: Person who enjoys both submissive and dominant roles.

Vanilla: Person who is not part of the BDSM lifestyle.

WIITWD: “What it is that we do,” broad reference to all forms of alternative sexuality

Link to article http://www.thejournalnews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2006612040319

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